April 1998
Issue 001COVER
The Return of a Legend
What the Hell Is This Thing??!!COMMENTARY
How it all began.
Clinton versus PalmerCOMMENTARY
An eerie coincidence? I don't think so.
Homer Did ItNEWS
Home denies he did it, surprise, surprise.
Rage Against the MediaCOMMENTARY
The media blames the public for the media's faults.
Apple: It's Own Worst Enemy?COMMENTARY
After years of loses and controversy, suddenly Apple's Wall Street's darling.
Giant Alien Maytag Cuts FingerNEWS
David Van Wagner stitched.
Publisher Hangs Himself!NEWS
Read how the publisher of the Havoc killed himself back in 1991.
World Cup 94 ReportNEWS
With World Cup 98 nearly upon us, this ancient report is curiously appropriate again.
The Guilt-free Drink for LiberalsADVERTISEMENT
The Ultimate Refreshment.
Rage Against the Media
by
The media went nuts over Diana in life and in death.You could see them grinning with delight, even as they put on straight faces and coldly chastised the public for causing her tragic death.
Yes, you read that correctly. You and I killed Princess Diana. It was us who bought the magazines and tabloids that paid the photographers that stalked her over the edge. Therefore it was us, not the tabloids, or even the poor, innocent paparazzi, just out to make a living, who killed her. It was our "insatiable lust" and "greed" for illicit details and juicy gossip.
As one reporter put it: "We loved her to death."
Bullcrap.
Did we ask the magazines for more Diana stories? Did we start letter campaigns begging for pictures of Diana sunbathing? Absolutely not. It was the media that created Diana. They built her up and sold her like boxes of chocolate.
Here. Have a Lady Di. Delicious, isn't it. Isn't she sweet? So innocent and pure. Not snobby like those Royals. She's one of us, just like you and me. Sure, she's a Princess, but she doesn't want to be. She wants to be just like you and me. Only with more class, of course. Look how she outshines Prince Charles. What a wimp.The world will never know the real Diana. Caught up in a media frenzy at the tender age of 19, who knows what her life would have been if she hadn't started dating the most eligible bachelor in the world. The Diana we knew and loved was nothing but a media image. Sure, there were glimpses of heart, an actual tear here and there, and the occasional spitfire reaction of genuine emotion. But in the end Diana was a media puppet, a product of her environment.
The merest hint of scandal could sell millions of magazines. An innocent picture of Di talking with an anonymous man? Ah, perhaps it's not so innocent...! Bingo, another million dollars in the till.
So now it's our fault, of course. We're to blame because we bought into the image the media sold us.
Poppycock.
The lowest common denominator always sells. It's a guarantee. It's as much a part of human psychology as curiosity. Appeal to the basest of emotions and people will buy.
But there is a line. Pictures of a freshly executed mass murderer, for instance, make people too nervous. They'd be curious, but unwilling to admit it. It wouldn't sell.
Tabloids love to push that line. Like a child wanting to see exactly how serious Mommy is when she says "No!" they publish increasingly scandalous material until the public turns away.
Di in a swimsuit. Di in a bikini. Pregnant Di in a bikini. Di without a bikini. DI IN NAKED LESBIAN MIDNIGHT LOVE TRYST.
Egads, have they no shame?
And in her death, instead of gulping and bowing their heads and apologizing, they dare point the finger at us, the mindless public? Everyone knows we're just idiot sheep, waiting to be led. Now they expect us to understand the causal effect of our actions?
Such arrogance. The media can do no wrong. After all, they are a Public Good.
Hogwash.
All media is pure entertainment, and it's about damn time they owned up to it.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. And most likely works in the media.
NOTE: The Wreakly Havoc is proud to be such an insignificant publication that it does not qualify as part of "The Media."
